Elysium: If this is Heaven, can I have a re-do?

E·ly·si·um

 

[ih-lizh-ee-uhm, ih-lee-zhee-, ih-liz-, ih-lee-zee-, ih-lizh-uhm]

noun

1.

Also called Elysian Fields. Classical Mythology . the abode of the blessed 

after death.

2.

any similarly conceived abode or state of the dead.

3.

any place or state of perfect happiness; paradise.

4.

an area in the northern hemisphere of Mars, appearing as a light region when 

viewed telescopicallyfrom the earth.

5.

Neill Blomkamp's poor attempt at making a new District 9.

Elysium
Score: 3.3/5
Release Date: August 9, 2013
MPAA Rating: R
Runtime: 1 hr 49 mins
Format: 2D, IMAX
Budget: $100 million+
Worldwide Gross Prediction: $120 million

A few years ago, Peter Jackson signed on to produce a film adaptation of the Halo video-game with first-time director Neill Blomkamp. To the dismay of gamers, sci-fi fans and Master Chief cosplayers everywhere, Bill Gates/XBOX/Microsoft couldn't cough up 1% of his fortune to have the film made and it has since been shelved. Luckily for action, thriller and sci-fi fans, District 9 was born. Drawing influences from Aliens, The Terminator, Robocop, The Fly, Dark Angel, first-person shooters and historical events that took place in South Africa, District 9 was a breath of fresh air for an audience who grew sick of all the stale, run-of-the-mill sci-fi films that Hollywood has been shoving down our throats for the last decade. Elysium isn't quite one of those forgettable movies, but it's close.

The movie opens up with some breathtaking shots of what seems to be an apocalyptic, war-torn Earth as well as some perfectly mowed lawns on Elysium, a Halo-shaped habitat 20 minutes (by space shuttle) above the surface of Earth. As the thrilling scenery was flying past infront of me, I had a giant grin on my face because I felt like I was about to embark on an exciting journey. The grin didn't stay on my face for long, until Matt Damon's abs made a cameo. 

Okay, stop staring. Let's get back to the movie. You soon find out that everyone on Earth is trapped there living in extreme poverty due to overpopulation. The citizens of Elysium are the true 1%, spending all their days around their pools as if they were in the Hamptoms 100% of the time. Each house has one of those cool med-pods from Prometheus, which heals any ailment or disease (even leukemia or a half blown off head!). Hence, Elysium residents are essentially immortal as there is no conflict or war in this utopic paradise to kill you. As predicted, Earth dwellers try desperately to "illegally immigrate" to Elysium - or at least to go up there and use the medical pods to cure whatever illnes they have. Commanded by a power-hungry Jodie Foster, all attempts to fly to Elysium are thwarted by missiles that kill ships full of innocent humans, including sick children. I don't know if these scenes were put in there to elicit tears, sympathy or anger from the audience. All it got from me was a look of disgust.

The film goes back and forth between different political themes. Poverty. Distribution of wealth. Universal Healthcare. Immigration laws. All it was missing was a gay marriage debate and it would've been a perfect propaganda film for November's democratic campaigns. Only all of these topics were mere after-thoughts, with no real exploration or commentary. In the end, you just think "Damn, it must really suck to live on Earth in 2154. They don't even have giraffes or gorillas. Elysium sucks too. I would hate having pool parties with superficial people all day, every day." What's the point of being immortal then? Cuz Sookie Stackhouse totally wants to be turned into a vampire just so she could have rich assholes over at her lakehouse for eternity.

I feel bad for Matt Damon. He's an amazing actor who can also kick ass (there are only a handful of guys that can make me cry like a bitch in one scene and, in the next, make me clap after they stab someone in the throat with a pencil). Sadly, he's made some bombs in the last few years and even lost his headlining gig as Jason Bourne. This movie is not going to help him any. Jodie Foster should consider retirement. Her strange coming-out speech was more awkward than inspiring - and so was her portrayal of Defese Secretary Delacourt in this movie. She had a different accent in each scene. I can't stand inconsistency like that - especially if you're going to be playing a completely bat-shit crazy bitch. It just makes you less believable as a protagonist. Sharlto Copley (he was the badass new-comer from District 9) plays Kruger, a clinically insane rapist/murderer who somehow got hired by Foster's character as a sleeper military agent. They would work together. I perked up in my seat when Diego Luna and William Fichtner showed up. Of course, they are the only two that didn't last long. Whoops. Guess that's your spoiler. 

TL;DR: Matinee it if you were a fan of District 9 or Dark Angel. Otherwise, skip it and watch Terminator 2: Judgment Day for the 8934723th time.