R.I.P., Ryan Reynolds' career.

R.I.P.D.
Score: 0/5
Release Date: July 19, 2013
MPAA Rating:PG-13
Runtime: 1 hr 36 mins
Format: 2D, 3D
Budget: $130 million
Worldwide Gross Prediction: $80 million 
(there are lots of stupid fucking people
in the world)

NO.

JUST.

NO.

DO NOT PASS GO.

DO NOT COLLECT $200. 

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THINGS THAT ARE HOLY, DO NOT GIVE THIS SHIT MONEY.

tl;dr: R.I.P.D. should be an acronym for "why the fuck did I just spend the last hour and a half watching this shit when I could've used that precious time getting my eye sockets raped by a screwdriver?"* Wait, that doesn't make any sense? Neither does this movie. If you enjoy watching Ryan Reynolds ruin comic book heroes (i.e. Marvel's Deadpool, DC's Green Lantern and now Dark Horse's Nick Cruz [Walker], then by all means, go see this P.O.S. Otherwise, stay the fuck away.

P.S. Why does Mary-Louise Parker get to keep making movies? And why is she always wearing nasty ass hooker boots? Does she bribe the costume department with weed so she can wear whatever the fuck she wants? Better yet, does she bribe casting agents with Jeffreys (+10 points if you know what I'm talking about) to get a job in the first place?

P.P.S. Jeff Bridges, you're better than this. Please re-assess your career for the sake of mankind.

P.P.P.S. You too, Kevin Bacon. smh.

* Skull-fucking was actually a joke** in R.I.P.D. 

** I'm using the word "joke" very, very, VERY lightly.